Child Discipline
Child discipline/training begins with recognizing God’s ordained authority in the home with the man being the head of the wife and the parents as being in authority over the children. If the wife does not honor her husband as the head of the household, then this will thwart his leadership in the home.
Proverbs 29:15 (NKJV)
15 The rod and rebuke give wisdom, But a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.
The scripture above says that a child left to himself (an undisciplined monster) brings shame to his mother (not the father). This is because it is typically the mother who will cancel out the good results of the father’s discipline by her female sympathy and pity.
A wife who is not submissive (by comforting the children that were disciplined by the husband) will introduce disorder into the home and cancel out the good effects of the father’s discipline in correcting the bad behavior of the children. When these undisciplined children later become a menace to society it will be a shame to the mother (who canceled out their father’s discipline with her feminine sympathy and pity) when she comforted them after their father had disciplined them.
See the teaching lesson “Setting the Households in Order” for more details.
Proverbs 22:15 (NKJV)
15 Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of correction will drive it far from him.
Foolishness within the heart of the child speaks of the sin nature inherited from Adam. It is a false to speak of the innocence of a newborn child because in fact all humans are born with the sin nature and they are not born innocent. As soon as a baby is able to express themselves this sin nature will be made evident. Before the children even reach the age of two-years-old, they will already express selfishness and greed and jealousy and every type of evil behavior. The parents did not have to teach their child to do evil because it is part of their fallen sin nature to do so.
As soon as this sin nature is manifest, the parents need to use the rod of correction to teach the child not to yield to his sin nature otherwise that child will become a monster from lack of discipline.
Proverbs 20:30 (NIV2011)
30 Blows and wounds scrub away evil, and beatings purge the inmost being.
It can be said of using the rod of correction that if it does not hurt then it does not work. Blows and wounds scrub away evil from the heart of a rebellious child and a beating from the rod will purge their inmost being.
Even a two-year-old can be terrorized by a small twig-sized rod but if the child is approaching 12-years old then more force is required to have a good effect and a hardwood dowel stick welding by a masculine arm will be necessary. My nephew was almost 15 when we got him so it was already late but I increased the force used when applying the rod and it still had good effect. It is much preferable however if this process is started as soon as they are weaned and the main part of the discipline and training be completed before age 12.
Example of Hand Swat on Diaper Baby
Before our family came to know the Lord, we belonged to a dead religious church full of man-made rituals and boring order of religious service. My mother learned how to train her children who would become fussy during the long drawn-out religious service. She already conditioned them at a young age while they were under two-years old and still in diapers. When they would get fussy and start throwing a fit and screamed and yelled in church and started kicking, she would swat them with her open palm on the thigh (the diaper padded the buttocks so the thigh was the best place for a swat). Then she would cover their mouth and carry them outside the church and close the door behind her. She let them scream outside and when they stopped, she would bring them back into church again. This process was repeated as often as necessary until the child was conditioned to behave. Eventually somewhere in the deep recesses of the two-year-old mind, this baby realized that if he threw a fit and screamed and kicked then he would get swatted. Eventually he learned not to scream and kick and throw a fit in order to avoid being swatted. This conditioned the baby to behave-himself. We had five children in our family and all of them were trained to behave in the same method. The result was that all five children sat on the hardwood benches in the religious church like five bumps on a log and did not move a muscle or make a sound during the entire long boring religious service! People would often come up to my mother and compliment her on how well-behaved her children were. Of course, she could not reply, “I thank God that all of my children were all born to be sweet little angels who never made a fuss!” If she said that she would be a liar because every child was born a monster with the sin nature evident and they had to be conditioned not to yield to that sin nature by spanking them!
The point is that a bare palm on the thigh is enough to correct a baby in diapers but if she tried to use her palm on a 12-year-old she would probably break the blood-vessels in her hand! Of course, if the father struck a rebellious child with his palm it would seem to the children as if the father has no blood vessels in his hand! There is a great difference in being swat by a mother compared to a father who is nowhere near as fragile as a woman!
Proverbs 13:24 (NASB)
24 He who withholds his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him diligently.
This scripture uses male-gender pronouns like “he” or “his” indicating that the father should be the primary discipline provider (especially after the child is weaned and out of diapers). The wife should be given authority to spank when the husband is at work but when he returns from work, he should apply the rod in total agreement with the wife so that the child knows both parents are in full agreement together.
There is a vast difference in being struck by a rod welded by the arm of the father compared to being spanked by the delicate arms of a mother. It is for this reason that spanking of children of diapers should be done by the mother but after they are weaned this job should be delegated to the man of the house. The bible says that wounds that hurt cleans away evil so as the child grows it takes more force to get the required cleansing effect. A swat with a bare palm is effective for a two-year-old but a twelve-year-old will just laugh at such a feeble attempt in correcting him. But he will most certainly not laugh at a hardwood dowel stick applied forcefully to his buttocks by his father’s strong arm! It will produce the needed cleansing effect upon him!
I raised my nephew as my own son after he lost his biological father. I applied discipline to him just the same as if he was my own biological son. I however seldom went over three-strokes on my nephew and often one-stroke would do the job. For example, we had an electronic rice cooker that was fully automated to cook the rice and keep it warm but it still required that the rice be washed and placed into the rice cooker with water. My nephew would repeatedly consume the last rice then slam the lid closed on an empty pot. When it was time to eat, we found that the rice was all gone and we had to wait to wash the pot and cook a new batch of rice. If he had removed the empty pot, we could have washed it and soaked the rice grain to be ready to cook for the next batch. I asked him why he did this repeatedly and he said he forgot! I then used a hardwood dowel stick on his buttocks and he never forgot again!
Also, I trained by nephew to get out of bed and go to work on time. He was to get out of bed at 5:00 AM and eat and do his bathroom duties before he left for work. If he was not out of bed within ten-minutes of his alarm going off I would use the rod of correction on him. This “Magic-Stick” even cures a boy of not being able to wake up in the morning! He was never late in getting out of bed ever again after I used the rod on his buttocks in forceful manner!
But a woman will typically feel sorry for the boy and say that he is tired. This feminine sympathy and pity will not help the boy when he is an adult and has to get out of bed to go to work to feed his family. He cannot be yielding to feelings when his family depends on him as a provider. He has to go to work whether if he feels like it or not. The rod of correction taught our son now not to yield to his feelings (and the sin nature within him) that wants to sleep instead of go to work.
I call the rod of correction as a “Magic Stick” for this reason because it works like “Magic” and can cure bad memory, cure not being able to get out of bed, and cure bad attitudes, and correct any type of bad behavior in a child! When a man welds the rod of correction instead of a woman then this is most effective! I have never used the rod more than one time for the same offense. It cured every type of bad behavior (including bad memory in forgetting to remove the rice pot from the cooker to be washed when empty).
The only time I ever went over three-strokes (usually only one stroke for minor offense) was when my nephew tried to silence a parental authority using counter-accusation. (I gave five-strokes on that occasion). I consider that a “heinous-crime” that is truly satanic in nature. He smarted off to his mother and pointed out her own defects and sin as if to say, “When you are perfect then maybe you will qualify to correct me!” But this is total insanity because if a parent has to be perfect before disciplining their children then no parent on earth would qualify to discipline their children! If no children were disciplined then they would all go reprobate and end up like the wicked people who were destroyed and sent to hell in the time of Noah! The lack of discipline will produce wicked children who will grow up to be wicked and evil adults just as all of the undisciplined children who are in prisons today! I used the rod of correction because God’s word commands it and I do not want to stand before the judgment throne to answer for why I allowed a boy to go undisciplined who was under my care as a parent. It does not matter if I am not perfect or not. I will use the rod anyway because I fear God and do not want to shirk my duty as a discipline provider.
Proverbs 19:18 (NASB)
18 Discipline your son while there is hope, And do not desire his death.
Child discipline must be done while there is still hope. A baby in diapers can be corrected with a palm swat from his mother but a 12-year-old needs a hardwood dowel stick welded by his father’s strong arm to have the same effect. But if the child is beyond age 12, then typically a rod of correction will have less effect. They need to have most of this correction done before the age of 12, or they will become immune to it and there will be no good effects of correcting wayward behavior anymore.
Countries like Singapore use a cane on the buttocks of adults for discipline for criminals in prison but that in fact is the failure of the parents who did not use the rod when the offender was still a child (when it could have still done some good). Therefore, the Singapore government was assuming to do the job that the parents failed to do for the child when he was still young. But it is largely a waste of time and has little effect in correcting the bad behavior of an adult who is already hardened in crime.
Using a rod of correction on a child can save his soul from hell and keep him from experiencing eternal punishment after his life is expired on earth.
Proverbs 23:13-14 (NKJV)
13 Do not withhold correction from a child, For if you beat him with a rod, he will not die.
14 You shall beat him with a rod, And deliver his soul from hell.
A child left to himself will end up not only in prison but also in hell because of having no restraint on his self-indulgence and yielding to his sin nature and thus becoming reprobate. To beat a child with a rod of correction is to keep him from experiencing eternal death later. Beating a child with the rod of correction can save his soul from hell! Such a disciplined child will learn to respect parental authority and this will carry over into adult life when he also respects civil authority. He will also learn not to yield to his sin nature within him but do what is right and become a productive and useful citizen within society.
Deuteronomy 21:18-21 (NASB)
18 “If any man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey his father or his mother, and when they chastise him, he will not even listen to them,
19 then his father and mother shall seize him, and bring him out to the elders of his city at the gateway of his hometown.
20 “They shall say to the elders of his city, ‘This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey us, he is a glutton and a drunkard.’
21 “Then all the men of his city shall stone him to death; so you shall remove the evil from your midst, and all Israel will hear of it and fear.
When a child has already grown old in rebellion and has not been corrected as a child then such a child will grow up to become reprobate. If a young man has become reprobate then there is nothing that more that can be done to correct his bad behavior. Even the rod of correction welded by his father’s strong arm will have no effect on someone who grew to be an adult while still harboring their rebellion.
During the Old Testament era such a wicked son (who could no longer be corrected by discipline) was to be destroyed. Being a drunkard and a glutton show that the boy was never corrected to resist his sin nature but become self-indulgent and lived only for his own pleasure and who cared for no one but himself. Children who are raised without discipline will yield to their feelings and will later become worthless and a menace to society.
Proverbs 19:18 (NIV)
18 Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death.
Again, it is clear that a son must be disciplined while there is still some hope left because if he goes beyond age 12, there may be less effect using the rod of correction. This scripture says that a parent should not be a willing party to his death. This means that a passive parent who refuses to obey God’s command to use the rod of correction is a parent who is a willing party to his death. This speaks of eternal death when a wayward and undisciplined boy end up in prison and goes to hell because of the failure of passive parents to discipline him as God commanded them to do.
A man has to be lord of his own household and not permit his wife to interfere or shield a son from discipline or comfort him after the father disciplined the boy. If she does this she will be responsible for sending that boy to hell later and an reprobate and wicked and undisciplined man.
Passive parenting and failure to discipline a child in their youth is a sure guaranteed way of sending the child to hell and parents will be held accountable by God on judgment day for that failure to obey God’s word.
Proverbs 13:24 (NASB)
24 He who withholds his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him diligently.
God says that those who withhold discipline hate their own son and that those who love their son will discipline him diligently. The bad behavior in a child has to be corrected while there is still hope (while he is young enough for the rod of correction to bring the desired effect of correcting bad behavior).
Example of Passive Parenting
1 Samuel 2:12-17 (NIV2011)
12 Eli’s sons were scoundrels; they had no regard for the LORD.
13 Now it was the practice of the priests that, whenever any of the people offered a sacrifice, the priest’s servant would come with a three-pronged fork in his hand while the meat was being boiled
14 and would plunge the fork into the pan or kettle or caldron or pot. Whatever the fork brought up the priest would take for himself. This is how they treated all the Israelites who came to Shiloh.
15 But even before the fat was burned, the priest’s servant would come and say to the person who was sacrificing, “Give the priest some meat to roast; he won’t accept boiled meat from you, but only raw.”
16 If the person said to him, “Let the fat be burned first, and then take whatever you want,” the servant would answer, “No, hand it over now; if you don’t, I’ll take it by force.”
17 This sin of the young men was very great in the LORD’s sight, for they were treating the LORD’s offering with contempt.
Eli was a priest of God but he failed to discipline his sons when they were young and as a result they became scoundrels. The sin they committed was very great in the Lord’s sight because they treated the Lord’s offering with contempt!
1 Samuel 2:22-25 (NASB)
22 Now Eli was very old; and he heard all that his sons were doing to all Israel, and how they lay with the women who served at the doorway of the tent of meeting.
23 He said to them, “Why do you do such things, the evil things that I hear from all these people?
24 “No, my sons; for the report is not good which I hear the LORD’S people circulating.
25 “If one man sins against another, God will mediate for him; but if a man sins against the LORD, who can intercede for him?” But they would not listen to the voice of their father, for the LORD desired to put them to death.
The sons of Eli had grown to be adults but the sin nature in them was not corrected and they were yielding to this sin nature continually in many ways. These were already married men but they were engaging in sexual immorality with the women who came to the tent of meeting and causing people to despise coming to worship the Lord by their forced seizure of offerings from the people.
Eli was a passive parent and he did not correct or discipline his children when they were young and even when they were adults Eli only told them that he was not hearing a good report about them. Eli was in authority so he could have removed from as priests and even had them executed as wayward adults but he did nothing.
1 Samuel 2:29 (NASB)
29 ‘Why do you kick at My sacrifice and at My offering which I have commanded in My dwelling, and honor your sons above Me, by making yourselves fat with the choicest of every offering of My people Israel?’
When Eli failed to discipline his sons, then it indicated that he honored his sons more than God. It was for this reason that Eli and his lineage were removed from the office of priesthood forever and Eli and his two wicked sons all died on the same day when God’s judgment came.
Passive men must realize that if they do not discipline their own sons they will be judged by God for it.
1 Kings 1:5-6 (NIV2011)
5 Now Adonijah, whose mother was Haggith, put himself forward and said, “I will be king.” So he got chariots and horses ready, with fifty men to run ahead of him.
6 (His father had never rebuked him by asking, “Why do you behave as you do?” He was also very handsome and was born next after Absalom.)
King David was surprisingly passive with his own sons as well. His son Adonijah had never been rebuked as a child or even questioned about his bad behavior by having his father David ask him, ‘Why do you behave as you do?” This boy was left to grow up wild and undisciplined and he ended up trying to seize the throne for himself.
It is sad that many men of God have left their own sons go wild by failing to discipline them while they were still young and when the rod of correction could still have done some good.
1 Samuel 8:1-3 (NASB)
1 And it came about when Samuel was old that he appointed his sons judges over Israel.
2 Now the name of his firstborn was Joel, and the name of his second, Abijah; they were judging in Beersheba.
3 His sons, however, did not walk in his ways, but turned aside after dishonest gain and took bribes and perverted justice.
The prophet Samuel was a great man of God but he (like King David) also failed to discipline his sons when they were young and so they grew up to be scoundrels as adults.
1 Samuel 8:5 (NIV2011)
5 They said to him, “You are old, and your sons do not follow your ways; now appoint a king to lead us, such as all the other nations have.”
Samuel followed the ways of God himself but he did not discipline his sons to follow God. It seems that Samuel followed the poor example of passive parenting which he observed from his foster father Eli. Eli failed to discipline his own sons and Samuel must have followed the same poor behavior as a parent as Eli had demonstrated before the young Samuel.
One of the most insane things that I have ever heard was the statement made by preachers that said, “If I will take care of the things of God then God will take care of my children!” Those preachers I have seen that were deceived by this idea would spend all their time early in the morning till late at night doing the work of the ministry but neglecting their own children. Without exception every man I heard who followed this deception all lost their children to hell just as both Eli and Samuel lost their own sons to perdition!
Deuteronomy 8:5 (NASB)
5 “Thus you are to know in your heart that the LORD your God was disciplining you just as a man disciplines his son.
God will discipline and correct us as his spiritual children so it goes without saying that human fathers should also discipline their own sons.
Hebrews 12:7 (NASB)
7 It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline?
Every father is expected to discipline his own son and this is expected behavior for any man who has a child.
Proverbs 29:17 (NASB)
17 Correct your son, and he will give you comfort; He will also delight your soul.
It is God’s command that every father correct their own son. If a child is disciplined while they are young, they will turn out to be good adults and be a comfort and delight to their own fathers.
1 Samuel 3:12-13 (NASB)
12 “In that day I will carry out against Eli all that I have spoken concerning his house, from beginning to end.
13 “For I have told him that I am about to judge his house forever for the iniquity which he knew, because his sons brought a curse on themselves and he did not rebuke them.
God judged Eli for being a passive father and for never correcting or disciplining or rebuking his sons when they made themselves vile in God’s sight. God holds the man of the house responsible for whatever goes on under his authority. If a man is passive with sin within his own household then he will be judged by God for it.
It is the responsibility of all godly men to set their households in order and correct any bad behavior as seen in an unsubmissive wife or rebellious children. If they do not know how to manage their own household, then these men will never be able to manage the house of God. It is God’s requirement that all men have their households in order with their wives under their submission and their children obedient. If this is not done, they will be in danger of God’s judgment just as Eli was who did nothing about the vile behavior of his sons who grew up to be godless and reprobate because they were never disciplined as children.
No Apology for Discipline
The man of the house should never apologize for disciplining his children because in fact this is commanded by God and he is in sin if he is a passive parent and fails to discipline them. Also, he should not comfort them or hug them immediately after spanking them because this can cancel out the good effects of the discipline. Instead he should wait until the effects of the discipline are evident then he can restore them with his love and affirmation. Comforting too soon can have the same effect as a mother who cancels out the good effect of the father’s discipline by comforting the child immediately after a spanking. Let the child first have time to consider their evil ways and come to repentance before showing comfort or it can cancel out the good effects of the rod of discipline.