Honest Aspirations

Honest Aspirations deals with the fact that people have to be really honest about who they are and what they are created to be and to stop playing games and pursuing careers for which they are not suited to do. Often people will encourage the self-deception in others simply because they do not have a heart to tell them the truth. Such “false encouragement” can keep misguided people moving in a direction that is detrimental to their own lives.

Failed Business and Lost Inheritance

One example of this is a woman I know who received some inheritance after her parents passed away. This woman decided to start her own sewing business making sweatshirts with her own decorations on them. She invested a lot in material to make these sweatshirts and even though her husband tried to dissuade her yet she persisted in pushing forward with this project although she could not compete with similar mass-produced products made in China.

She invited some neighbor women to see her creations but these women did not have enough backbone to be honest with her and they did not want to dampen her dreams. Instead of telling her the truth and being honest with her they only said, “Gee, these are so nice!” She then grasped onto these words of “false-encouragement” and “doubled-down” on her plan to make sweatshirts (even if the artwork she used was of poor “amateur-quality”) and she could not sell these sweatshirts at the same price as similar commercial made products.

She soon ran through all of her inheritance money pushing forward on this business venture and never had any sales except for a few from sympatric neighbors who bought a couple out of pity for her. She later ended up having to dump all of her expensive materials by giving it away to charity when the business flopped.

The point I wanted to make here however is that her neighbor friends did not do her any favor by flattering her about her products and her business idea only because they were afraid to hurt her feelings or pour cold water on her business idea. Her husband predicted all of this in advance but it was because her neighbor ladies flattered her and said that her products were nice and bought couple sweatshirts out of pity that she grasped upon that and “doubled-down” on this doomed business idea. In fact, she resisted her husbands “common-sense” advice by using the example of what these neighbor women had said to justify herself by saying, “See there, these women thought they were good and bought some as well!” But that was the only sales she ever had and investing more in this doomed business only resulted in her losing all of the inheritance money she had received.

Fueling Foolishness

The fact of the matter is that encouraging people to pursue something that they are not suited for is actually “Fueling Foolishness” and this is not beneficial to anyone. The most valuable advice that can be given to a person is that of honest advice from someone who loves them. The husband of the woman in the sewing business example gave her his honest advice and told her this business venture would fail but she did not want to listen to him and instead listened to trivial flattery of those few who did not have a heart to speak the truth in frank manner.

Another example of this can be seen in the program called “Dirty Jobs” by Mike Rowe. Mike shares is own testimony of how he once aspired in his younger days to become a carpenter like his grandfather. But in fact, Mike was terrible at this trade (unlike his grandfather who was a gifted carpenter who could build a house from the ground up). His grandfather however was an honest man and did not flatter people out of fear of hurting their feelings. After it was evident that Mike had “zero-aptitude” to work as a carpenter then his grandfather gave him some honest advice by telling him that he needed to find a “new toolbox” (meaning that he had to prepare to do something other than pursuing a career as a carpenter). Mike however did have a natural good sounding voice and a clever wit and he found his perfect role doing a television program about blue-collar work. He was witty and funny and a good story teller so he discovered he was a natural at hosting a television program. So that is how Mike discovered his “career” when he finally gave up the idea of being a carpenter (something that he was not naturally suited for).

This is an example of how advisors need to give out honest and frank advice to loved ones so they will not be encouraged to pursue something for which they are unfit to pursue as a career. People should be encouraged to find their own place in life but they should not pursue some “passion” like Mike Rowe (who had a “passion” for carpentry but without the needed aptitude to do this job).

See the link “Mike Rowe-Do Not Follow Your Passion” for more details.

This topic has particular application to parents because they should be brutally honest with their children and not just flatter them for fear of hurting their feelings.

Parents Watched Daughter Shipwreck her Life

I heard a story of a family who raised blueberries on a farm in Indiana, USA. They had to hire a lot of migrant labor on this farm because machines could not do a quality job of harvesting blueberries which are a delicate crop. This farmer couple had a young teenage daughter and one of the migrant workers paid attention to her and romanced her. This young girl thought she fell in love and wanted to marry this migrant worker. Her parents tried to dissuade her saying that she needed a husband who could support her and her future family and migrant workers did not have a lot of money. But this girl was totally infatuated and did not want to listen to her parents. She insisted on marrying this young migrant man who was from a different social-economic level and from a different culture from that of herself. What resulted was that this girl got married and was living in poverty and expecting a child and her husband was not of Judeo/Christian culture and spent his time away drinking with the boys and leaving her in total destitution in a shack at home. Possibly he thought he could gain access to financial support from the parents of this American girl but this did not happen and he did not marry into the money as he had expected. This marriage was a complete disaster and the girl’s life was ruined forever.

Some Good Advice

Some good advice would be for the parents to use their parental authority and refuse to allow their daughter to marry someone who was not from the same social-economic and Judeo-Christian background. What the father could have said was that she was living on the farm all of her life and she needed to get out and meet others before making such an important decision (at only 18-years of age). If this girl would like to have a Christian husband (with Judeo/Christian values) then they could have sent her to attend a bible college for a few years. There she might have found better prospects for marriage among the single male students attending a bible school. But if she still persisted in wanting to marry the migrant worker then she could still do so after she came back. Sending the girl out of state to a bible school for a few years could have given her a proper-perspective and possibly some better options rather than destroying her life by marrying someone who was unsuited to be her spouse. Once she married the migrant worker and had children then her options were largely negated and the door was closed to her for anyone else to become her spouse.

It is for this reason that sometimes parents must exercise “tough-love” when they see their child is about to ruin their life forever. They could have forced her to go away to bible school, then if after a few years if she still wanted to marry her migrant boyfriend then she could have done so out of her own choice. But this should not have been allowed without first giving the girl some other options. Never should parents permit a child to ruin their lives forever when they can easily see what is coming if their children pursue such an ill-advised route.

Do Not Rely on Human Advice

A person should never rely on others to give them advice for life, especially if those people might harbor ulterior motives. Sadly, the best people someone can go to for advice is often their own parents but even parents can give bad advice or push their children toward something that is not best suited for them only because they want to feed their own pride and ego about what their children have done.

Really the only one to go to for “life-advice” is God who created them and knows the plans and purposes he has for their lives.

Jeremiah 29:11 (NASB95)
11 ‘For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.

This scripture above can be taken and applied personally to anyone who is a believer because God has a plan for each person and God will reveal that plan to them if they will take the time to seek God for direction for their lives. Following God is like a sheep following the good shepherd. Jesus will not steer them wrong because He has the best plan in store for them. Jesus has no ulterior motives and no sin nature so He can guide them into the best plan for their lives so they can experience happiness and fulfillment during their time on earth.

Jeremiah 17:9 (7KB)
9 The human heart is deceitful above all things, and is exceedingly corrupt: who can know it?

There can be a problem with asking for direction from humans because the best advice would be from parents but sometimes even the parents can have ulterior “self-serving” motives in advising their own children to do something that might suit their own desires or secret ambitions for them to live their lives over again or see their success through their own children. If parents have bad motives, then their advice also can be corrupt and not in the best interests of the child.

See the link “Idols of the Heart” for more details.

In the lesson called “Idols of the Heart” I give a real-life example of a woman who pushed her sons into the ministry for which they were not called only so that she would feed her own vain-glory and have people tell her that she was such a wonderful mother because all of her sons are serving God in the ministry. This however was a disservice to her own sons because only God can call a man into the ministry and it is not for their mothers to assume such a role over them to direct them into this sacred calling.

This same thing also happens in South Korea where they had a huge revival in the early 1900’s before the Korean war and millions of people were saved and it became every godly mother’s dream to have their son serve God in the ministry.

See the link “When Revival Swept Korea” for more details.

When I first visited South Korea in 1996, I met a man serving as a pastor on a small island off the coast of Cheju Island. I was surprised to find that this man was not called into the ministry by God but instead he made a promise to his dying Christian mother that he would become a pastor (as she begged him to do). Previously he had been a successful politician but he resigned from politics and attended a seminary to become a pastor in order to fulfill a promise his mother pushed him to make to become a pastor. This however was a big mistake because was not called by God or gifted for the ministry. He had only a few members and could not operate as a bible teacher and had no gifts to work in the ministry. He was a good organizer however and got the people to get together and plant trees around the church lot. But his wife left him after he decided to pursue this plan of becoming a pastor. He was not suited to be a pastor and so he was living a miserable life in this role that did not suit him. This was all due to his own mother pushing him to become a pastor which was something he was not gifted by God to do.

Luke 1:41–42 (NASB95)
41 When Elizabeth heard Mary’s greeting, the baby leaped in her womb; and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit.
42 And she cried out with a loud voice and said, “Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb!

At one time, nearly all Jewish women held a secret hope that one day they might be honored to become the mother of the Messiah and it was the young Jewish woman Mary who received this honor who give birth to the Messiah Yeshua (or Jesus). Elizabeth was formerly barren but she supernaturally conceived and brought forth her son John the Baptist. This woman was filled with the Holy Spirit and gave prophecy that Mary would be blessed among women and blessed would be the fruit of her womb (because this woman was fortunate enough to give birth to the Messiah) the Savior of the world.

In the same way that the Jewish women held a hope of becoming the one to give birth to the Messiah, there were many godly Korean woman who thought it would be a great honor to have a son in the ministry. This was considered even a greater honor to them than to have a son become a medical doctor or became rich and affluent in the society of the world. This is great that godly Korean mothers honored the office of pastor so highly and considered it an honor to have their sons become a pastor. But in fact, these Korean mothers were wrong to push their sons into the ministry because only God calls men into the ministry and those who are called are born with the gift and such a gift is not imparted by humans and it cannot be made manifest just because someone decides to become a pastor by their own choice or only because their mother pushed them to do so.

See the link “Fivefold Ministry Gifts” for more details.

Again, it must be clarified that this is actually selfish for a mother to push her son into the ministry because it is not in the best interests of her son (if that son is not called by God to be in the ministry). In this case, the godly Korean mother thought it would be a great honor to have her own son serve God in the ministry. So, in effect even this “seemingly” good intention is polluted by self-serving motives of a mother who supposed she would be honored if her son were a pastor.

This is why each believer must learn to hear God’s voice and be led by the Spirit of God into the plan that God has for their lives. Not even human parents can be trusted to give them good advice because these same parents also harbor a human sin-nature and can advise their children with hidden ulterior motives to exalt themselves by having a child do something that they feel would be a great honor for them as parents.

But God has a special plan for each person’s life and each believer must go to God for direction and when they receive that direction, they are to stick to what God has given them to do and never be moved by human advice (which can be polluted by hidden self-serving motives).

Accepting Actual Purpose in Life

People must come to grips with who they are and acknowledge what God has called them to do. For the majority of humans this means that they will work an ordinary job and have a family and raise godly offspring so their children can carry the knowledge of God to the next generation. The problem is that there will be many competing voices which will seek to distract them or even push them to be something that they are not suited to be.

People must not be moved by what others say or think. Many young men are even controlled by a gang leader who pushes them to commit crime or else face punishment from the gang leader. Such boys want to belong to the gang so they follow the gang leaders demands and end up in prison as a result. So having bad company corrupts good morals and can ruin the lives of those who run with bad people who are a bad influence upon them.

1 Corinthians 15:33 (NASB95)
33 Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals.”

The Apostle Paul clearly warned the believers that bad company can corrupt good morals. Many young men fell into gangs and went to prison only because they were corrupted by the bad influence of the evil people that they associated with. This is why when someone becomes saved, they have to separate themselves from all of the bad influence of worldly people and seek to fellowship with godly people who love the Lord and want to obey God’s commandments and live a holy life on earth.

But bad company can be more than just the obvious thing of not running around with gang-banger criminals who push them to do evil things. It could be a girlfriend who wants to use someone to attain her own personal goals or even a kind hearted person who wants to live his live through someone else.

Again, I say that believers need to have separation from bad influences that pull them in the wrong direction away from God’s plan and away from God’s purpose in their lives. It is obvious that they need to separate from worldly friends who are into drugs and vices and crime just like as a group of gang-bangers which are evil. But the separation must go deeper and they may also have to separate from even loved ones who are pulling them away from the plan of God. This could sometimes include even parents (if their mother is pushing them into being a pastor) when God has not called them into the ministry. It could be that the parents may want their son to be a medical doctor to make them proud but if their son is called by God into the ministry then he has to obey God rather than humans (including parents in such a situation).

It is wonderful to have godly parents who nurture their children and encourage them to find the plan and purpose of God for their lives rather than being forced to separate from them only to be free to obey God.

Being Honest about Aspirations

There is also a great disservice done by some so-called motivational speakers who give bad advice that puts many people into a ditch and distracts them from their real purpose in life. Such motivational speakers will often speak at a graduation commencement ceremony and say something like, “If you find something you love to do then you will never work another day in your life!” But while this sounds great and “motivational” in nature, there is nevertheless some error found in this statement.

There have been many people who were like Mike Rowe who had aspired to do something that they were not suited to do. Mike Rowe greatly admired his grandfather who was a master carpenter. But when Mike Rowe attempted to learn this trade himself, he found that he was not good at it. His grandfather however was wise and encouraged him to look for something that was better suited to his personal talents and gifts. Today Mike Rowe is a television personality and comedian and greatly successful just being himself. But if the same Mike Rowe listened to a motivational speaker at a graduation ceremony saying he should find something he loves to do then he might falsely try to become a carpenter (which was his passion when he was young). The sad fact of the matter is that people can be passionate about something that they are not gifted or talented in. Thus, if they do not wake up, they can waste their lives chasing a vain “passion” that keeps them from ever being faithful in an ordinary job.

Life is Boring

The sad fact of the matter is that life on earth is generally boring. Even someone who becomes a master at his trade or occupation will end up being bored because once he is a master then he can almost do his job in his sleep with his eyes closed. He is so good that he does not even think about it anymore but operates by instinct and impulse as a master of anything can do. But once he is a master then he has to deal with boredom because he does not even have to think anymore and is operating completely by instinct.

This boredom applies to everyone because an ordinary factory worker is doing the same thing day in and day out. A service man is doing the same thing day after day. A business owner also may become bored dealing with the same issues continually. When someone has found their proper place in life and have become an expert in their work then there is nothing left except for them but to be faithful. They must be faithful in what God has assigned them to do until they come to the end of their lives on earth.

The sad fact of the matter is however that many people never arrive into their “ordained place” because they may be distracted all of their lives chasing after some imaginary goal.

Mostly women need to just be a good mother and love their children and raise them to be godly and teach them to fear the Lord and to keep God’s commandments. If they will do this, they will have accomplished a huge role in causing the knowledge of God to be carried to the next generation. If they raise their children properly then there is a good chance of them also raising their own children in proper manner according to biblical principles. If every one of the following generations does this same, then then there is a potential that the knowledge of God can be carried on for many generations to come. Nothing is more important than being a mother for this reason. But again, being a mother and managing the home and changing diapers may not seem very glamorous. But if they will be faithful at this job assignment, they will have reward in heaven for it and they will also have an effect upon all society in the future through the godly influence which they imparted to their own children (who will be future leaders and builders of the society to come).

The role and purpose of most men is to be a provider and protector of their own families and to be a godly leader over their own households. If the men will do this faithfully, they will have reward in heaven and their children will carry the knowledge of God to the next generation. But again, this can be boring as the men just work an ordinary job to feed their families and do much of the same things (day in and day out). The main thing for godly men is that they be faithful in doing what God assigned them to do as men until the end of their lives on earth. If they are good providers and protectors of their families and they are faithful to their wives and mentor their children to become future leaders and impart skills that their children will need in adult life, then they have fulfilled their general purpose on earth.

God can lead them and order their steps into the plan and purpose and specific occupation or calling they are to fulfill. But once they have found their divine purpose and they have found their God-given place, then there is nothing left to do but to be faithful at it. They should remain where they are planted and do their work with excellence as unto the Lord. This means that they are not competing with other humans but they are working to be their best for the glory of God only. It is a personal quest that does not involve competition with other humans as each believer strives to do their best in whatever role God has assigned them.

Psalm 37:23 (NKJV)
23 The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD, And He delights in his way.

The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord and God delights in their way. This means that a believer is like a sheep following the Good Shepherd and God will guide them to fulfill his plan and purpose for their lives on earth. If a believer will seek God for direction, then they will not fail to find the specific plan and purpose God has for them.

But they cannot be influenced by human opinions or human counsel that can be perverse if it is tainted by impure motives. Others may advise them to do something while having their own benefit in mind. But God is not like that and everything God directs them to do will be for their own benefit even if it might not seem too beneficial at the time. Later they will see God at work and come to understand the working of God.

Even getting fired from a job can result in having a promotion and finding something much better as God leads them into the plan, he has for them and separates them to himself and severs the connections with those who once had bad influence over them.