Rules of Engagement
Rules of Engagement deals with the fact that if a person is not prepared in advance about how to react to a situation then they typically will not respond well or worse yet will display confusion or “say” or “do things” that they regret later. If, however someone instructs them what to do in advance of a predicted event then they can simply follow prescribed protocol and they will always know how to react under any given situation.
The military typically has established protocol in place and trains their personnel how to react under any given situation that they might encounter. Having advance knowledge of what to do results in quick reaction-times and removes all hesitation and vacillation which could result in death during time of war.
But the same principles also apply to a believer responding in the correct manner before they find themselves faced with a situation that is new to them and for which they had not prepared themselves for in advance.
Preparing Children in Advance
I know of a family who trained their children that if ever an adult tells them, “Now do not tell your parents!” then they are to immediately report this to their parents. Whenever someone wants a child to hide something from their parents then this typically means that something evil is about to happen. So, their children were conditioned in advance to report such things immediately to their parents the moment someone told them not to tell their parents. This is giving children the proper “Rules of Engagement” before an event arises so that they know how to respond when such an event actually takes place.
Prepared in Advance What to Say
When I was a young man I ran into several situations where someone tried to intimidate me by asking condescending questions. It was at this time that I learned a trick of my own that helped me a lot in dealing with this type of intimidation. I prepared myself in advance that the next time someone asks me a condescending question (which is meant only to intimidate me) then before I answer that question, I trained myself to ask the “intimidator” the same question back. This method has never failed one time to put such a person in their place.
For example, maybe someone wants to intimidate me or imply that I am unqualified by asking me how many languages I can speak. Before I answer that question, I trained myself to ask them the same question first. So, I would respond by saying, “How many languages can you speak?” to the one who was asking that same condescending question of me. This works like a charm because in every case it caused the “intimidator” to be totally confused and insecure themselves because they could not answer the same question which they had just attempted to apply to me! They themselves could not speak a single additional language other than their own native tongue but they dared to ask how many languages I could speak! They were totally put to shame simply because I trained myself to ask them the same question back before I answered them. In every case I caused these types of people to start stuttering in insecure manner and they were left-totally speechless and did not dare to ask me any more condescending questions!
This is an example of someone training themselves how they will respond in advance before they encounter a specific situation. This type of instruction can also be given by fathers to their children so they know what to do before a situation arises.
Impure Motives in Asking Questions
Luke 11:53-54 (NIV)
53 When Jesus left there, the Pharisees and the teachers of the law began to oppose him fiercely and to besiege him with questions,
54 waiting to catch him in something he might say.
In this case, the Pharisees and teachers of the law began to oppose Jesus fiercely and besiege him with many questions trying to catch him in something that he might say. The purpose of such questions were not aimed at gaining information or receiving knowledge or to learn something from Jesus. These are “bad-questions” just like those used against political opponents when liberal reporters use questions in accusatory manner. That type of question is not seeking truth or trying to gain knowledge but is only aimed at putting an opponent on the defensive so the accuser can assume a position of lordship over them.
The religious leaders tried to pull this type of thing on Jesus by attacking him with a series of questions in hopes of getting him to trip up on his own words so they could have something to use against him. These types of questions are accusatory in nature and designed only to provoke their target to anger to get them to say something that can be used against them.
Matthew 22:16-22 (NIV)
16 They sent their disciples to him along with the Herodians. “Teacher,” they said, “we know you are a man of integrity and that you teach the way of God in accordance with the truth. You aren’t swayed by men, because you pay no attention to who they are.
17 Tell us then, what is your opinion? Is it right to pay taxes to Caesar or not?”
18 But Jesus, knowing their evil intent, said, “You hypocrites, why are you trying to trap me?
19 Show me the coin used for paying the tax.” They brought him a denarius,
20 and he asked them, “Whose portrait is this? And whose inscription?”
21 “Caesar’s,” they replied. Then he said to them, “Give to Caesar what is Caesar’s, and to God what is God’s.”
22 When they heard this, they were amazed. So they left him and went away.
These hypocrites came to Jesus feigning innocence and asked him the question, “Is it right to pay taxes to Caesar or not?” This again is not an honest question but only designed to entrap Jesus so that they could use the Romans to do away with him. But Jesus was careful not to answer that question in direct manner but only said they should give to Caesar the things that belong to Caesar and to God the things that belong to God. Thus, his enemies were unable to trap him with his words and could not do away with him using the Romans as their tool of execution. This wise answer left the accusers amazed and they left Jesus and went away speechless because their intended “trap” had no effect whatsoever upon the Lord!
Jesus Turns the Tables on Religious Leaders
Matthew 22:41-46 (NIV)
41 While the Pharisees were gathered together, Jesus asked them,
42 “What do you think about the Christ? Whose son is he?” “The son of David,” they replied.
43 He said to them, “How is it then that David, speaking by the Spirit, calls him ‘Lord’? For he says,
44 “‘The Lord said to my Lord: “Sit at my right hand until I put your enemies under your feet.”‘
45 If then David calls him ‘Lord,’ how can he be his son?”
46 No one could say a word in reply, and from that day on no one dared to ask him any more questions.
The attempts of the religious leaders trying to entrap Jesus with false questions was starting to get out of hand so Jesus gave them some of their own medicine and asked them a question also. Jesus asked them how David could call the Christ his “Lord” when Christ was also his Son? In both cases this proves to be true because Jesus is Lord over King David (as the Son of God) and at the same time Jesus is also the “Son” of David being born of the lineage of David. Therefore, Christ is both the “Lord” of David and the “Son” of David at the same time. This question left these religious persecutors speechless and they could not say a word in reply because Christ is both the “Lord” of David and the “Son” of David at the same time!
After this no one dared asked Jesus anymore questions because they found out they were not so “smart” after-all and Jesus was able to ask them questions for which they could not answer! It was a case of giving them some of their own medicine to silence them and deflate their great arrogance and humble their condescending attitude!
Speaking in General Terms
Sometimes it is better to answer questions in a general manner because giving too many details can result in inquirers asking things that are none of the business.
If the person making the inquiry is persistent and insists on pushing forward with more questions then it is at this time that a rebuke can be initiated and the person answering is fully authorized to tell them it is none of their business! However, this response should not be used as a first resort because not everyone needs to be rebuked harshly like this and such a response can cause lasting offense. Such a rebuke should only be employed after the inquirer has brushed aside two or three general responses and continues to insist on pushing through to get an answer. That is when they fully deserve a rebuke because they were bold enough to ask questions that are none of their business and should be rebuked in blunt manner without apology!
The “Rules-of-Engagement” therefore under such a circumstance is to answer in general terms only. Most of the time a general response is sufficient but if two or three general responses are ignored then a direct rebuke should be leveled at those brazen enough to keep pushing the issue.
Knowing this “Rule of Engagement” can help someone not to offend people who do not mean anything wicked by their questions but at the same time there are those who need a full-blown “rebuke” reserved for those who brush aside general responses in brazen manner and push forward “just asking for the rebuke” that they fully deserve!
Unbeliever Assuming Himself as Authority
Once I was hiking out to a remote mountain village in the Philippines where I was scheduled to preach in a church because the man leading the congregation was away on a ministry trip and I was to take his place that day. But on route to this place I encountered a brazen unbeliever who assumed it was his duty to lord over me asking me where I was going and what I was doing. I answered in general terms that I was going to such and such a church but he repeatedly said that the pastor was gone. I said that I already know that but felt no obligation to explain anything more to this big-mouth and arrogant guy so I just walked off and left the guy without answering his questions. He was attempting to assume authority over me when he possessed no authority whatsoever.
Government Officials Ask Questions
However, there was a different situation in Thailand because I was with another missionary on the Thai and Burma border and we were going to minister in a refugee camp. We stopped to eat something at the border town before taking a river boat to the next location. In the place we stopped there was a man who spoke to us boldly and said in English, “You come here!” in commanding manner. The other missionary told him to shut his mouth because we were trying to eat! But later to our utter shock we discovered this man was actually a Thai policeman! He had on no uniform and was dressed in shabby manner and was drinking alcohol and we mistook him for a big-mouth drunkard! This was the reason we told him to shut his big mouth! But later we found he was actually a policeman and that was a totally different story. It is the job of the policeman to ask such questions because he was looking for traffickers and other criminals in that place. But normally we do not answer questions from big-mouth drunkards who are in no position of authority.
Romans 13:1-2 (NIV)
1 Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God.
2 Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves.
A believer should know to honor authority because such authorities were established by God and to resist civil authority is to resist God who ordained that authority. Therefore, we never smart-off to a policeman knowing he is an authority ordained by God. But we happened to mistake a real policeman for a big-mouth drunkard and there is a big difference between the two.
We “do” answer questions of policemen because that is their job to ask such questions. But we are under no obligation to answer questions of big-mouth drunkard people who attempt to assume authority over us in condescending manner. So, answering questions is highly dependent upon who is asking the questions.
Therefore, the proper “Rules of Engagement” to teach our young men is that before they answer the question, they should first ask the inquirer “By what authority do you ask me this question?” If the inquirer can show their ID badge and prove they are a government official then their questions can be entertained. But if they are just a big-mouth guy pretending to assume authority over others they should be rebuked and told to shut-up!
Under Authority No More
Another situation exists when a man is fully mature and married and is no longer under the authority of his parents.
Ephesians 6:1-3 (NIV)
1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
2 “Honor your father and mother”–which is the first commandment with a promise–
3 “that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”
Normally a child should always obey his parents under most circumstances because God placed the parents in authority over their own children. But a time will come when a child grows to be an adult and is married and is no longer under parental authority. Under such a situation a young man must know his own authority and exercise that authority even if he is forced to rebuke his own parents.
Fully Mature Son Defends His Wife
I heard of the testimony of Lester Sumrall that one time his own mother treated his wife with disrespect. This often occurs because many mothers feel that no woman is good enough for their son and therefore, they have a tendency to treat the wife of their son badly on occasion. But Lester Sumrall was having none of it and he gave an instant response to his mother’s bad attitude saying, “You will treat my wife with respect or you will never see either of us again!” I greatly admire this response because a man and his wife have become one-complete person in marriage together and a mother-in-law cannot simply suppose she can drive off her son’s wife by treating her badly. The wife is part of the husband so either the mother can accept them both or none at all! Mothers who treat their son’s wives badly are not thinking beyond their own noses! Their son cannot be separated from his wife because they are one-person together in marriage and they are not to be separated until death does them part because it is God who has joined them together! What God has joined together in marriage no humans are to separate by their own self-will.
Never Saw it Coming
Again, this was something I wish I had heard before I was faced with just such a situation myself. I was caught totally unaware and now I am ashamed to admit that I did not see it coming and was taken totally by surprise and was left speechless when it occurred. Later I heard the story of Lester Sumrall and I knew that this is exactly how I should have responded myself under a similar situation.
In my situation, I got married and the Lord told me to assume the debt of my wife Helen because she was the one God had for me and I could not leave the country with her until the debt was paid. So, I had to do this even if it caused us much heartache for years to come because in fact Helen was the wife God had chosen for me. I was to take her as my wife with or without debt. God told me she was the one and so I “assumed” the debt supposing God would be the one to pay it off for us since I knew that Helen was to be my wife and her debt was something I got stuck with.
But when I arrived in America I was in for a big shock. My mother was serving as my missions’ secretary and I was unaware that she was disclosing all of our private financial matters to my family including my father Marvin. It simply did not enter my mind that I needed to give my mother Elsie “special” instructions not to speak of my financial matters to anyone. I guess I had assumed that this was “common-sense” and she should not have done such a thing. But I was mistaken and she made my private financial matters known to the whole family including my father.
When we arrived in America for the first time as a married couple my father Marvin did not waste a moment to speak to my wife in accusatory manner about how I had assumed her debt. I was totally unprepared for this and I had not imagined that he even knew about it and I was left speechless as he was busy accusing my wife right in front of me.
I later regretted that I had sat there speechless without saying a word of rebuke to Marvin. If I could do that all over again, I would have given the same exact response as Lester Sumrall did toward his own mother and I would have jumped up and rebuked my father and said, “You will treat my wife with respect or you will never see either of us again on this earth!” But as it was, I was not prepared for this and it had never entered my mind and it was totally taken by surprise and left speechless by his accusatory “tirade” leveled at my wife!
Again, a parent has no right to meddle in the affairs of their adult children and in fact I was over age 35 at this time and I made the decision to obey God to marry Helen with or without the debt because I knew she was the right one for me. My mother should never have disclosed my personal financial matters to my father Marvin and Marvin should not have assumed himself to be the “judge” over me or my wife about what we believed God had told us to do.
It is the purpose of this lesson to teach others to get ready so that they will have an answer for anyone who dares to open their mouth against them regarding private matters. This is especially true of adult children who are no longer under the authority of their parents.
Once a man is married, he starts his own family unit together with his wife and this also includes any children that they may have as a married couple. An adult son is no longer under the authority of his father once he is married because he is now the head of his own family unit. From this time forward an adult married son has every right to make his own financial decisions and follow God in all that he believes God is telling him to do (even if that includes marrying a woman whom has incurred debt before their marriage). After all what good is it to dump the right one (who got into debt) and marry a wrong one just because she has no debt). That would be utter nonsense because a man has to marry the one God has chosen for him regardless if that person incurred debt or not.
Correct Rules of Engagement
Therefore, the correct “Rules of Engagement” given here for any young man is that they must be ready in advance to give an answer to anyone who assumes to belittle their spouse in front of them. If their parents try to do this they should be immediately rebuked without hesitation and told that if they do not respect their spouse, they will never see either of them again! This is something that is the responsibility of the head of the household so the man should be the one to speak these things in straight forward manner without hesitation. But if the young man is not prepared in advance and given the proper “Rules of Engagement” then he could end up at a loss of how to react since he had not determined in advance how he would answer under such a situation.
Parents Destroyed Relationship over Smoking
I met a man who became a wealthy attorney and his wife and children are all believers and they are a great blessing to their local church. We stayed at their guesthouse when we visited St. Louis Missouri for a special meeting. It was during our stay with them that we learned of what happened in the severance of relationship between this man and his parents. This man’s parents were also wealthy people but they had a real “obsession” against smokers. When their son got married his wife was still smoking because of a bondage she picked up as an unbeliever. This however incensed the parents of this man and they threatened to disown him and cut him off from all inheritance if he married this “smoker” woman and they would not back down from these threats. However, this woman happened to be God’s choice for this man as his wife (regardless of her smoking habit). Later however she was able to mature in the Lord and use her faith and she overcome smoking and today has been free of nicotine addiction for many decades! But the parents of her husband thought they could control their adult son by threatening to disown him and cut him off from all inheritance if he married this “smoker” woman. They tried to control their adult son and control whom he could marry by use of threats and intimidation. But what happened is that he married the one God ordained for him to marry (regardless of her smoking habit) and his proud parents kept their threats and disowned him and cut him off forever and he never heard from them again! These people do not even know that his wife is now a believer and she is now free from smoking so they in fact cut off their own son for nothing! They do not even see their own grandchildren because they disassociated themselves from their own son and his wife and his children over this offense of his wife being a now “former” smoker.
This is an example of how parents can go too far in assuming they can exercise complete authority and domination over adult children who are in fact no longer under their parental authority since the time they were married.
The proper “Rule of Engagement” to teach people is that if a parent ever seeks to reject an adult child’s spouse they should be rebuked and told it is none of their business. A man has to marry the woman God has ordained for his life and it does not matter if they are in “debt” or have a “smoking habit” and arrive in an “imperfect” condition when they get married. Things can change and debts can be cancelled and smoking habits can be defeated and every type of defect can be corrected by the grace of God. Never should parents assume themselves to be the lord over adult children by dictating to them who they can and cannot marry. If their son has determined that the woman he chose is God’s will for his life then the parents must back off and allow their adult children to make their own decisions in whom they will marry.
Obeying God Not Humans
There are situations that I know of that transpired where a parent stood in direct opposition to God concerning the will of the Lord for their own children. Lester Sumrall for example was not yet 18-years old when he was miraculously healed and called by God to preach. Lester Sumrall was given an open vision of a huge bible and a coffin and God told him he would either choose death (the coffin) or preaching (the bible) or he would not see another sunrise. His death certificate was already made out by the doctor who said he would be dead by morning of TB. So, he repented and agreed to preach and God healed him and he was required to go into the ministry with or without his parent’s approval!
Lester was just a boy preacher at this point and was not yet a legal adult. His father was opposed to all preachers and thought they were a bunch of freeloaders and forbid his son to be a preacher but in fact God called Lester to do exactly that! The father bellowed at his son telling him that he better still be there when he got home from work! But God told Lester Sumrall to go and so he left his parent’s home as a young boy preacher at age 17 and went out by faith into the ministry. This is an example of obeying God over parental authority (even before the boy was a legal adult). Under such a circumstance the boy had to obey God rather than humans (including his own parents)!
I also know of another young man who was also a teenager (not yet a legal adult) and he had a gift of Evangelist and God told him to leave his family and go out and preach. In this case he also had to obey God rather than humans and so he left his family on their farm to answer the call of God to hold evangelistic crusades which he did for the rest of his life.
These are examples of those who are called by God to be Fivefold Ministry New Testament Levites. These young men must obey God rather than humans even if they are not yet a legal adult and even if their own parents oppose them from obeying God. Under such a circumstance they have to obey God rather than humans because God’s authority is higher than parental authority in this case.
Normally children are to obey their parents in just about everything with the only exception being that if they are born with a Fivefold Ministry Gift then they have to obey God in whatever God tells them regardless if their parents approve or disapprove.
Often there are laymen parents who have a son born with a Fivefold Ministry Gift but they have little or no understanding of such a gift and the requirement of their son to fulfill his calling or face eternal damnation. It is foolish for such a parent to belittle the ministry or speak in derogatory manner about ministers supposing that they can shame their son out of going into the ministry and pressure him into getting a job instead.
But if their son was born with a Fivefold Ministry Gift then he has to fulfill that calling of God and he has no choice in the matter. It will do no good for his father to try to shame him out of the ministry or persecute him to drop the ministry in order to get a job. The boy must obey God rather than humans (including his own parents). Parents who do not understand this can drive a wedge between themselves and their own son who is forced to obey God rather than humans.
God calls a Child
1 Samuel 3:2-10 (NASB)
2 It happened at that time as Eli was lying down in his place (now his eyesight had begun to grow dim and he could not see well),
3 and the lamp of God had not yet gone out, and Samuel was lying down in the temple of the LORD where the ark of God was,
4 that the LORD called Samuel; and he said, “Here I am.”
5 Then he ran to Eli and said, “Here I am, for you called me.” But he said, “I did not call, lie down again.” So he went and lay down.
6 The LORD called yet again, “Samuel!” So Samuel arose and went to Eli and said, “Here I am, for you called me.” But he answered, “I did not call, my son, lie down again.”
7 Now Samuel did not yet know the LORD, nor had the word of the LORD yet been revealed to him.
8 So the LORD called Samuel again for the third time. And he arose and went to Eli and said, “Here I am, for you called me.” Then Eli discerned that the LORD was calling the boy.
9 And Eli said to Samuel, “Go lie down, and it shall be if He calls you, that you shall say, ‘Speak, LORD, for Your servant is listening.'” So Samuel went and lay down in his place.
10 Then the LORD came and stood and called as at other times, “Samuel! Samuel!” And Samuel said, “Speak, for Your servant is listening.”
God called the child Samuel and spoke to him and this placed Samuel in authority over his own foster father Eli because God was speaking to Samuel but was not speaking to Eli. This is a case of a child being born with the call and office of a “Prophet” and Samuel had to obey God and do what God said even if he was not yet a legal adult.
When dealing with young men who were born with a Fivefold Ministry Gift, they must be taught to obey God rather than humans. This can also include their own parents if their parents oppose them from obeying God and fulfilling their calling.
As a general “rule-of-thumb” most children should obey their parents but there is an exception with those children who are born with a Fivefold Ministry Gift. If the parents oppose God’s will for the life of a child (born with a Fivefold Ministry Gift) then that child will have to obey God rather than his own parents because God’s authority is higher than parental authority.
Missionary Did not Perceive God’s Will
In 1988, I traveled to Singapore with another missionary who stopped and ministered in a mission’s school in Singapore. While I was there, I was invited to stay at that school and I accepted without hesitation because I knew it was God’s will. But the missionary I was traveling with accused me of deserting him and said that he “lost” me in Singapore. He did not see that staying in Singapore was God’s will for my life. But in that school, I met a Korean pastor who later invited me to preach in Korea in 1995 and again in 1996. It was through this man that I ended up meeting Helen who later became my wife. I also had several other “divine-contacts” that came as a result of me staying at that school in Singapore. So, the other missionary did not see it was God’s will for me to stay at this school but I most certainly knew it was God’s will and it was proven to be God because of the divine contacts that came about by me obeying God and staying in Singapore at that time.
Lester Sumrall also had a similar testimony of conducting a revival meeting in Oklahoma and while he was praying between services God told him to leave that meeting in Oklahoma immediately and go to Hot springs Arkansas. The pastor who sponsored the meeting in Oklahoma was furious and said that he would never recommend Lester Sumrall because he quit a meeting like that. But Lester had to obey God and go and when he arrived in Hot Springs, Arkansas he met a British Prophet/Teacher named Howard Carter who was ministering in a meeting there. This was a “divine-contact” and God used these two men mightily together all over the world as an international missionary team! But the angry pastor in Oklahoma never saw the working of God’s will but declared it was not God’s will and said that Lester Sumrall was wrong for quitting his meeting.
The point to make here is that a Levite man has to obey God even when others say that he is not hearing God’s voice and even try to resist him. When things work out later it will be confirmation that such a Levite indeed did heard God’s voice even if it did not fit nicely into human schedules or disrupted prearranged meetings of human origin.
A Fivefold Minister has to obey God rather than humans even when dealing with schedules setup by others and even if they experience human resistance to them trying to obey God in what God told them to do. God is a higher authority than human authority so a Fivefold minister has to obey God rather than men.
Acts 4:17-20 (NIV)
17 But to stop this thing from spreading any further among the people, we must warn these men to speak no longer to anyone in this name.”
18 Then they called them in again and commanded them not to speak or teach at all in the name of Jesus.
19 But Peter and John replied, “Judge for yourselves whether it is right in God’s sight to obey you rather than God.
20 For we cannot help speaking about what we have seen and heard.”
The Apostles were told by God to preach the message of the gospel but they were resisted by human religious authorities who ordered them to stop teaching in the Name of the Lord. But the Apostles had to obey God rather than humans because God is a higher authority than all human authority.
Those called to the Fivefold Ministry typically deal with God on a direct basis and so they must obey everything God calls them to do even if that comes into conflict with parents or with other human authorities. A Fivefold Minister must always obey God and have confidence in his ability to hear and discern the voice of God speaking to him.
See the link “Fivefold Ministry Gifts” for more details.
The purpose of this teaching lesson is to give general guidelines or “Rules of Engagement” so that young men will know how to deal with specific situations even before these situations arise. Those young men who are born as Fivefold Ministry Levites must know that they have to obey God rather than humans and this applies even to parents who attempt to resist them from obeying God. God is on a higher level than parental authority even if they are not yet a legal adult so they still have to obey God rather than humans. This also applies to anyone else in the ministry who might try to oppose them from obeying God. They are required to obey God regardless of what humans might say about it. Dealing with God directly is part of the life of a Fivefold Ministry Levite and humans cannot interfere with them obeying God because they risk eternal damnation if they try to please humans over God. Under these circumstances a Levite has to obey God over all human authority because this is part of their ministry requirement.