Husbands Love Your Wife
The marriage relationship is a great mystery but it represents Christ and the church.
Ephesians 5:31-32 (HCSB)
31 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.
32 This mystery is profound, but I am talking about Christ and the church.
A man is to leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife to become “one-flesh” or “one-complete” person together with her. The woman is incomplete until she is married to a man and a man is incomplete until he is married to a woman. But when they are joined together in marriage then there is nothing lacking but they become “one-complete” person together in Christ.
Just as Christ gave himself for the church so the husband is to give himself for his wife and for his children. This is the main driving force behind why a married man will labor to feed his family and even risk his life to defend them. This is the motivating factor behind the principle of “Expansive-Energy” which causes a formerly aimless single man to live for something greater than himself as a married man with his own family to care for.
See the link “Expansive Energy” for more details.
Loving the Wife
Ephesians 5:33 (HCSB)
33 To sum up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband.
The scripture commands that husbands should love their wives as themselves. This means that the wife is part of a man and she completes him by providing all of his missing parts. Therefore, the wife is part of the man and he should treat her as if she is part of his own body.
Ephesians 5:28-30 (NASB)
28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;
29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,
30 because we are members of His body.
A man knows to take care of his own body and even the slightest wound like a tiny sliver in his finger will get his immediate attention. In the same way that he cares for his own body and protects it from harm so he should also care for his wife as if she was a part of himself. The husband is to nourish and cherish his wife just as he would care for the needs of his own body for food and water and even to pull out a thorn or tiny sliver from his flesh so it can heal.
Building the Mood
When a man brings home nice gifts for his wife and he displays affection for her during the day then this is something that will build up and activate something romantic in the bedroom that night. A wife needs to feel loved and her husband can build this romantic mood with his wife in advance by treating her special and giving her attention in small things. For example, if she cut her finger and the husband cares for the wound and treats it and bandages it and gives it a symbolic kiss like he is caring for a little girl then this is something that makes his wife feel loved. It is not necessary since she is an adult (and not a child) but at the same it will pay back big dividends to the husband when they experience wonderful and fulfilling sex-life in marriage. The man can learn how to build a romantic mood with his wife during the day and even during daily living experiences throughout the week where he looks for ways to show affection for her. This builds up within her heart and overflows in the bedroom when the wife desires and needs his love. In fact, great marriage relations are based upon love and the out flow of love between the married couple.
But if a man is grouchy and harsh in his ways and demanding and angry then he can hurt his wife’s emotions and because of this his marriage relations will go sour. She will feel like a “dirty-prostitute” instead of a “loving wife” when a domineering and angry man tries to force sex upon her when he has not been treating her in loving manner all day long.
This is why it is important for a man to find ways to express his love and care for his wife during the day in order to build up a romantic mood that will pave the way for great marriage relations in the bedroom that night. Just doing little things (like holding the door open for her) shows her that he cares about her and respects her and these small things all lend toward building a romantic mood needed for great marriage relations between a husband and his wife.
The bible commands that a husband love his wife because the couple cannot become “one-flesh” or “one-person” together if the man is harsh and abusive and hurts is wife continually by his harsh words or negative actions against her.
1 Peter 3:7 (NKJV)
7 Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.
The man has to dwell with his wife with understanding knowing that she is made differently than a man and her mind operates differently as well. The woman is gifted to see the details of life and can make a house into a comfortable home for her family. The man has to understand her needs about details and how it is natural for her to seek to “build her nest” as she seeks to beautify her home for her family. If the man gets grouchy with her for spending on the house, then he can hurt her deeply. He has to tell her when she can buy something or if she has to wait until the budget is available first. But the man should not be harsh and cuss her out in anger for spending money. He has to use his words carefully and say something simple like “That is a good idea but we will have to pray and ask God to provide because it is not a good time right now when we have to pay other more necessary bills first.” In this manner he does not hurt her but is able to still manage the budget until they can afford the things which she needs to beautify the home.